Hey You on the Treadmill!

I'm a gym junkie, we've already established this and in being a gym junkie, I believe I now qualify to be able to critically judge everyone else who goes to the gym for various reasons. I was running the other day and suddenly the strongest waft of old man cologne entered my nostrils. It got me thinking - "Hey you, on the treadmill..."

-Putting on an excessive amount of cologne is not going to hinder the fact that you are sweating at the gym and quite frankly, it's not helping your cause at all. You're suffocating me, I'm literally choking as I painfully try and completely several mile run. Please stop. 

-Those jeans are not made for running, walking maybe...possibly a casual stroll outside on a nice spring day, but not for the gym. Leave your jeans at home.

-I do not want to be talked to while I'm running. I don't care if the whole stinking place is burning down, leave me be.  These headphones are in for a reason, and it's so I can peacefully enjoy my run to the shrill sounds of Britney Spears so back off.

-The fact I don't have headphones in today is not an invitation.  It doesn't mean I want to chat with you and hear all the things that you must have been saving up for a rainy day, I'm not here to  make friends.  If I was, you can be sure that I would not be wearing lime green shoes with my bright blue shorts and my hot pink t-shirt advertising the sorority I belonged to five years ago. Top it all off with my sumo bun smack dab on top of my head - I'm not interested, thanks.

-Walking at a speed of 1.0 mph is not doing anything for you. Get off and share the treadmill with people who actually want to be at the gym.

-The excessive amount of hair gel in your hair mixed with your trendy pumas, too tight t-shirt and chainz are not a good look for you - not here or anywhere. I suggest you save that for when you're home...alone and not planning on seeing anyone.

-Grunting. Why? If it's so heavy that your body all the sudden has to exert a sound that even mating dogs wouldn't make, stop and remind yourself, you are not an olympic weight trainer - this isn't crossfit where you're actually working hard and lifting hard - this is Fitness 19. The heaviest weight here is 50lbs. 

-Why are you wearing that cut off t-shirt that reveals your whole side, stomach and back? Not to mention, why are you wearing that when everyone can see every roll you're working with? Ok so maybe I'm not confident enough to - but I'd feel NAKED wearing that especially if I packed on an extra 30 lbs.Your hair extensions only add to my staring - wearing that doesn't make you look more BA when you lift. Sorry.